


The Long Way ‘Round

by dragonwings948



Series: TARDIS Fam [12]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Anger, Angry Thirteen, Angst, Angsty Thirteen, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e03 Orphan 55, Hurt/Comfort, Meddling TARDIS, Post-Episode: s12e03 Orphan 55, Sad with a Happy Ending, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22353268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: Things didn’t go as well as the Doctor had hoped during the adventure on Orphan 55. When she can tell her friends are shaken up but doesn’t know how to comfort them, she seeks for a way to overcome her own grief first.
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who)
Series: TARDIS Fam [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1155803
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	The Long Way ‘Round

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this turned out to be a lot longer and have way more in it than I expected! (Characters I didn’t even expect to be in this were suddenly like “HI I’M HERE” and I was like “???? Where did you come from????”) I left out some tags on purpose, because I think this fic is better if you don’t know what’s coming. That’s the way I wrote it and it was really fun! XD

It’s silent. 

The Doctor waits for the effects of her speech, for some sort of significant look from one of her friends, but it doesn’t come. She’s not even sure they’ve heard, the way they’re looking. 

Ryan is the first to move. The Doctor notices the taut muscles in his jaw and the way his eyes are seeing things far away. 

He clears his throat and steps back from the console. With his thumb pointed over his shoulder he says, gruffly, “I’m gonna go…” and mumbles some unintelligible excuse. A moment later he disappears into the TARDIS corridors. 

Yaz’s eyes follow him with pity. “I’ll make sure he’s all right.” 

The Doctor opens her mouth as Yaz walks away, but she’s not sure what to say. 

Graham stretches his arms and sighs. “All right if I go sit by the wave pool for a bit, Doc?” 

His words barely reach the Doctor’s brain as she tries to understand why it feels like the world is sinking beneath her. 

“Yeah, fine,” she mutters. Graham gives her a strange look and leaves. 

Once again, she’s alone. 

She thinks. 

She doesn’t blame herself for all the deaths, but she knows she could have done more to prevent them. She could have paid more attention to the people in her care. 

Maybe Ryan was right. Maybe her mood’s not quite fine. 

The reason for it comes to mind and she feels a flare of anger. She starts pacing around the console room, her hands bunched into fists at her sides. 

It’s a never-ending cycle because she knows that ultimately, the Master won.  _ This  _ is what he wanted: to get into her head, to take her focus off the universe and turn it to him, to Gallifrey. And the more she thinks about it, the angrier she gets. 

Because she can’t help that she’s changed now. She sees Gallifrey burning in her mind’s eye every single moment, and there’s not a single other soul who will understand. 

She comes to the console seething, raises a fist to strike the metal out of frustration—

But a memory stops her. 

She sighs, deflating in a moment. She strokes the console gently. “I’m sorry, Old Girl,” she says softly. “I’m not quite myself.” 

Dials begin turning themselves all over the console. Buttons are pushed by seemingly invisible fingers. 

“Oi!” the Doctor reaches out to stop it, but it’s too late. The final lever falls, and the engines start up. Indignance fades into curiosity. “Where are you taking me?”

The TARDIS lands a moment later, but nothing is showing the Doctor where they’ve landed. She thinks about calling her fam, but she decides against it, getting a feeling that this destination is just for her. 

She steps out of the TARDIS into somewhere dark and damp. She sees something glowing ahead, like light fixtures in a wall…

A gasp comes unbidden from her mouth. She runs back into the TARDIS. “No. No, I can’t see her. Do you know how dangerous this is?” She tries to manage the console and take them somewhere else, but the controls don’t respond. 

The Doctor sets her jaw and—only very briefly—considers striking the TARDIS again. “Last time I checked,  _ you’re  _ the ship,  _ I’m  _ the pilot.” 

The door opens again on its own, blatantly contradicting her. 

“How is this going to help?” she continues to protest. “It’s not like I can tell her what’s happened.”

The door stays open. One last attempt is made to leave with no success. The Doctor gives in. She tells herself it’s because she knows the TARDIS won’t take her anywhere else, but really it’s because she wants to see her. 

The Doctor approaches the door to the Vault and perfectly remembers how to open it. The locking mechanisms unlatch, revealing bright light inside. 

And she’s there. The Doctor freezes just inside as the door clangs shut behind her. 

Hair done up in a wild curly mess, purple dress fanned out around her, Missy is sitting on the ground and constructing a massive city out of LEGOs. She doesn’t look up.

“Did you bring the blue ones?” she asks. “I need to build a river to drown—”

But then she looks up and meets the Doctor’s eyes. In a rare moment, she’s shocked. They stare at each other for a suspended moment in time. 

“Oh,” Missy breaths. She stands up, taking a measured step. In her eyes, the Doctor sees understanding. Of course she knows. 

“Hi,” the Doctor says. She suddenly wants to run away, and at the same time she wants to spill everything about the Master and what’s happened. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve come to rescue me?” Missy asks. There’s biting sarcasm in her voice, but hope, too. 

“No, sorry. You’ll have to stay in here for a bit longer.”

Missy eyes the Doctor like a hunter stalking prey. Something uneasy knots itself in the Doctor’s stomach as she recognises a look she’s seen in the more recent incarnation of the Master. 

“You need my help,” Missy states lightly, her gaze softening the tiniest bit. 

“Not exactly.” The Doctor plops down into a chair—one that she remembers sitting in so many times before—and sighs. “If I’m being honest, I just want to talk to another time lord.” 

“So you came to me instead of going home?” 

The Doctor flinches involuntarily. She feels the heat burning her skin, smells the charred remains of Arcadia. 

“Oh.” Missy’s face falls the tiniest bit. “I see.” 

The Doctor opens her mouth to rectify the mistake she’s made, but all the lies stating Gallifrey is fine dies on her lips. 

“I suppose it’s my fault, isn’t it?” 

The Doctor looks away, pressing her lips together. She’s already revealed too much. 

“That makes two of us, doesn’t it?” Missy continues. “The only two time lords who have destroyed Gallifrey.” 

The realisation floors her. Her breathing quickens. She wonders if she was too harsh on the Master. She remembers how it felt to destroy her home, the way it tore her apart. Maybe she should have tried to talk to him. 

Missy perches on the edge of her chair. “If it’s any consolation,” she says softly, as if trying to prevent someone else from hearing, “I’m sorry.” 

“I know.”  _ I just wish your other self was.  _

Missy is silent for a moment. “So all of this is useless, then; trying to ‘reform’ me.”

“No.” The Doctor catches her gaze. “Never. It’s not useless.” But she thinks of how she hadn’t seen Missy anywhere in the Master’s eyes, and she wonders if she’s lying to herself. 

Missy hops off the chair. “Best of luck to you.” She goes back to her LEGOs, but looks at the Doctor one more time as she stands by the door. “Are you sure I can’t come with you?” 

The Doctor chuckles lightly. “It was good to see you, Missy. Stay strong.” 

She leaves. As soon as the door closes behind her, she takes a deep breath. She’s not sure why, but somehow she feels better. 

She walks towards the TARDIS, recalling that the time and space machine landed just around the corner, but before she can even see the police box, a hand grasps her arm. 

She’s instantly spun around to meet a face she knows all too well. 

Bushy eyebrows furrow deeply above cold blue eyes that are bright with energy. “What are you doing down here?” he asks in a rough Scottish voice, hushed as if to add to the dramatic effect of the darkness. 

The Doctor is too stunned to reply. 

His frown deepens and his pupils narrow. “You’re too young to be a student—or is it too old?” He squints at her, his fingers tightening their grip. 

“I am a student!” the Doctor says, recovering herself and shaking off his hand. “Brand new. Got lost on my way to a lecture.” 

She can tell he’s not buying it. “This is far away from the lecture halls.” He shrugs. “Well, I can’t have you remembering what you saw down here…” 

He reaches out his hands and the Doctor takes a step back, her hearts thudding wildly. She knows she can never,  _ ever  _ allow him to be inside her head. 

“No!” She holds her arms protectively in front of her. She sighs. “Look behind me.” 

His eyebrows twitch in question but he does as she asked, stepping to the side so he can see around the corner. His eyes grow as wide as two planets. 

“But—” he starts, then grows silent. The Doctor can almost see it working through his head.  _ “Oh,”  _ he says finally, long and drawn out. His eyes, brimming with curiosity, meet hers. He glances back over his shoulder at the Vault. 

“You could have at least warned me.” 

“Sorry. Bit of a last minute decision.” 

He looks down and she can tell that he’s trying to think of what to say. “Is it really so bad that you’re this desperate?” 

“I…” The Doctor’s mouth goes dry thinking about everything that is yet to come for him. “I needed to remember what she was like.” 

“I’m trying.” The white-haired Scotsman sighs, running a hand down his face. “Sometimes it feels like I’m not getting anywhere with her.” 

The Doctor understands. They both want the same thing: to have their friend back. 

“Don’t give up.” She reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder and is momentarily distracted by the realisation of how much shorter she is now.

A small smile twitches at his lips. “You, too.” 

The Doctor retreats a step and has one last look at her old self. 

“And Doctor,” he adds just as she’s about to turn away, “I thought for a long time that I didn’t need anyone. I was wrong.” 

The Doctor’s thoughts instantly go to her friends who she has been neglecting in favour of self-pity. Her hearts squeeze painfully in her chest and she knows what she needs to do. 

She smiles at him. “Thank you.” Pausing for a moment, she adds, “Take care of Bill.” 

She doesn’t let herself dwell on the fact that he doesn’t. 

The Doctor enters her TARDIS feeling more like herself. She sets the coordinates for deep space without any trouble and pulls out a microphone that broadcasts all over the TARDIS. 

“Hello, fam! Anyone fancy a cuppa and some time to chat?” 

She goes to the kitchen and gets everything ready. Graham arrives first, then Ryan and Yaz a few minutes later. They sit, and the Doctor stays put for once, trying to listen. She finally begins to understand how shaken up they are from the shocking revelation of Orphan 55. They tell her how terrible it was to see their home planet utterly destroyed. 

It resonates. The Doctor understands all too well. And in the back of her mind she wonders if Gallifrey’s fate can be changed, too. 

She tells them she’s sorry. She admits that she hasn’t been herself and tells them she’ll try harder. She can’t bring herself to tell them about Gallifrey yet, but she’s a step closer. 

By the time they part ways again to get some rest, they’ve gone through twelve pots of tea. 

And for the first time in several days, the Doctor feels at home again. 


End file.
